duìbuqǐ: 对不起 - Sorry, Excuse Me

• Keywords: duibuqi, 对不起, how to say sorry in Chinese, sorry in Mandarin, apologize in Chinese, Chinese for excuse me, dui bu qi, duibuqi vs buhaoyisi, Chinese apology, HSK 1 vocabulary
• Summary: Learn how to say sorry in Chinese with “对不起” (duìbuqǐ). This comprehensive guide covers the core meaning, cultural context, and practical usage of this essential Mandarin phrase. Discover when to use 对不起 for a genuine apology versus lighter alternatives like 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi), and master its use with 10 practical example sentences. This is a must-know term for any beginner learning Chinese.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): duìbuqǐ
• Part of Speech: Verb phrase / Interjection
• HSK Level: HSK 1
• Concise Definition: “I'm sorry,” used to express a genuine apology for a fault or wrongdoing.
• In a Nutshell: 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) is the standard and most direct way to apologize in Mandarin Chinese. It carries more weight than a casual “oops” or “excuse me.” Think of it as an admission of fault. It literally translates to “I cannot face you,” implying a sense of shame or wrongdoing that makes you feel you are not worthy of facing the person you have wronged.

• 对 (duì): To face; opposite; correct. In this context, it means “to face” someone directly.
• 不 (bù): Not; no. A simple negating character.
• 起 (qǐ): To rise up; to be able to bear or afford. Here, it carries the sense of being able to hold oneself up or withstand something.

When combined, 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) literally means “unable to face up to.” This paints a powerful picture: you have done something wrong, and as a result, you cannot “rise up” to “face” the other person out of a sense of guilt or shame. It's a much deeper concept than the English “sorry” and signifies taking responsibility for a mistake.

• In Chinese culture, an apology is not offered as lightly as it often is in the West. A formal apology carries significant weight and is reserved for situations where a clear fault has been committed.
• Comparison to Western “Sorry”: In America or the UK, “sorry” is a versatile word used for everything from bumping into someone (“Oh, sorry!”) to expressing deep remorse. 对不起 is reserved for the latter part of that spectrum. For minor social infractions, like asking for directions or accidentally bumping someone on a crowded subway, the term 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi), meaning “to feel embarrassed,” is far more common and appropriate. Using 对不起 for a minor issue can sound overly dramatic.
• Connection to “Face” (面子 - miànzi): The act of apologizing with 对不起 is directly linked to the concept of face. When you apologize, you are admitting fault, which can be seen as slightly “losing face.” However, by doing so respectfully, you show deference to the other person and “give them face,” which helps to restore social harmony—a core value in Chinese society.

• For Clear Mistakes: This is the most common use. You use 对不起 when you are clearly in the wrong.
  • Being significantly late for an important appointment.
  • Breaking or losing something that belongs to someone else.
  • Saying something that genuinely hurts someone's feelings.
  • Making a serious error at work.
• Formality: 对不起 is considered neutral to formal. It can be used between friends and family for serious matters, or in professional settings. For a more formal or written apology, the term 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) is often preferred.
• When NOT to Use It: Avoid using 对不起 for minor social graces.
  • Incorrect: 对不起，请问现在几点了？ (Duìbuqǐ, qǐngwèn xiànzài jǐ diǎn le?)
  • Correct: 不好意思，请问现在几点了？ (Bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn xiànzài jǐ diǎn le?) - “Excuse me, may I ask what time it is?”

• Example 1:
  • 对不起，我迟到了。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, wǒ chídào le.
  • English: I'm sorry, I'm late.
  • Analysis: A classic, straightforward apology for a common mistake. This is a perfect use of 对不起.
• Example 2:
  • 对不起，我不是故意的。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, wǒ búshì gùyì de.
  • English: I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose.
  • Analysis: This is used to apologize while also clarifying that the mistake was an accident. It softens the apology slightly but still admits fault.
• Example 3:
  • 对不起，把你的杯子打碎了。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, bǎ nǐ de bēizi dǎ suì le.
  • English: I'm sorry for breaking your cup.
  • Analysis: A clear apology for causing damage to someone's property. The fault is undeniable, making 对不起 the appropriate choice.
• Example 4:
  • 对不起，我真的错了，请你原谅我。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, wǒ zhēn de cuò le, qǐng nǐ yuánliàng wǒ.
  • English: I'm sorry, I was truly wrong, please forgive me.
  • Analysis: This is a much more serious and heartfelt apology. It combines 对不起 with a request for forgiveness (原谅 - yuánliàng), indicating deep remorse.
• Example 5:
  • A: 你踩到我的脚了！ (Nǐ cǎi dào wǒ de jiǎo le! - You stepped on my foot!)
  • B: 啊，对不起对不起！ (A, duìbuqǐ duìbuqǐ!)
  • English: A: You stepped on my foot! B: Oh, I'm so sorry!
  • Analysis: Repeating 对不起 adds emphasis and sincerity, showing you are genuinely apologetic for the physical mishap.
• Example 6:
  • 对不起，这个忙我帮不了。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, zhège máng wǒ bāng bu liǎo.
  • English: I'm sorry, I can't help you with this.
  • Analysis: Here, 对不起 expresses regret for being unable to fulfill a request. It shows you wish you could help but are unable to.
• Example 7:
  • 对不起，打扰一下，王经理在吗？
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, dǎrǎo yíxià, Wáng jīnglǐ zài ma?
  • English: Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, is Manager Wang in?
  • Analysis: While 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) is more common for simple interruptions, if the person you are interrupting is clearly very busy or in a serious meeting, a more formal 对不起 can be used to show a greater level of deference.
• Example 8:
  • 都是我的错，真的对不起。
  • Pinyin: Dōu shì wǒ de cuò, zhēn de duìbuqǐ.
  • English: It's all my fault, I'm truly sorry.
  • Analysis: This phrase takes full responsibility for a mistake. It is a strong and unambiguous apology.
• Example 9:
  • 对不起，上次是我说话太重了。
  • Pinyin: Duìbuqǐ, shàng cì shì wǒ shuōhuà tài zhòng le.
  • English: I'm sorry, I spoke too harshly last time.
  • Analysis: Used to apologize for something said in the past that hurt someone's feelings. It acknowledges the fault was in the words chosen.
• Example 10:
  • A: 对不起。 (Duìbuqǐ.)
  • B: 没关系。 (Méi guānxi.)
  • English: A: I'm sorry. B: It's okay / It doesn't matter.
  • Analysis: This shows the most common and polite response to an apology. Learning 没关系 (méi guānxi) is just as important as learning 对不起.

• The “不好意思” Trap: The biggest mistake learners make is using 对不起 for everything, just like “sorry” in English. Remember this rule: if you feel at fault, use 对不起. If you feel embarrassed or are causing a minor inconvenience, use 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi).
  • Incorrect: 对不起，可以借用一下你的笔吗？ (Duìbuqǐ, kěyǐ jièyòng yíxià nǐ de bǐ ma?)
  • Why it's wrong: This sounds overly dramatic, as if asking to borrow a pen is a major offense.
  • Correct: 不好意思，可以借用一下你的笔吗？ (Bù hǎoyìsi, kěyǐ jièyòng yíxià nǐ de bǐ ma?) - “Excuse me, may I borrow your pen for a moment?”
• Over-apologizing: Constantly saying 对不起 for trivial things can make you seem insincere or like you lack confidence. Chinese communication values directness, and apologizing when no apology is needed can be confusing.

• 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) - The most common alternative. Means “excuse me,” “sorry” for minor things, or “to feel embarrassed.” Lighter and more versatile than 对不起.
• 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) - A more formal apology, often used in writing or in official/business contexts. It literally means “to hold regret.”
• 没关系 (méi guānxi) - The standard reply to 对不起 or 不好意思. It means “it's okay,” “no problem,” or “it doesn't matter.”
• 打扰一下 (dǎrǎo yíxià) - A very direct way to say “Excuse me for interrupting.” Use this before asking a question to someone who is busy.
• 请问 (qǐngwèn) - “May I ask…” A polite phrase to put before a question, similar to “excuse me” in that context. Often used together with 不好意思.
• 原谅 (yuánliàng) - (v.) To forgive. This is what you ask for after a serious apology.
• 道歉 (dàoqiàn) - (v.) To apologize. This is the formal verb for the action itself. For example, “我需要向你道歉” (Wǒ xūyào xiàng nǐ dàoqiàn) means “I need to apologize to you.”
• 失礼 (shīlǐ) - (adj./v.) A very formal term meaning “to be rude” or a “breach of etiquette.” You might say “失礼了” (shīlǐ le) as a formal apology for a social blunder.